Still on the Edge in Sumas

I’m afraid one of my routine transmission streams to the Pliedes was crossed with a secret communication to Inga from her home planet. You knew her as Imbolc, queen of the shopping spree, fashion magnate, re-animated alien robot corpse-doll, and all around potentate and gurl with knives. She doesn’t die, try as I might. So, the bad news is she’s decided she likes it here.

THANK GAWDESS we left her home during that Shadow Falls certified coffeeless surprise and homeless shelter weekend for adults only, a complete and joyous weekend with phenoms Hagrid and Haltia in the house, instead of Inga. And, might I mention miss Sadie Mae. But, Inga remained home. Transmitting her plans for world domination into the heavens. Suffice to say Shadow Falls will remain a safe haven and all around certain bet for future faerie radar-scopes, must-be-seen-events-of-note, and word of mouth legend setting soiree’s in general.

Unfortunately upon returning, shameless, to my humble Sumas abode, and before initiating further transmission with my alien friends, what should befall but the most horrifying and angst-quaking news. Yes kids, its true. I’m saddled with major work. And Imbolc has changed her name! Inga will be happy to service you now. She’s been whispering in code.

If I’ve learned how to correctly translate her language--it seems that she wishes to build a huge interplanetary bridge of similar type to that used to float above ocean waves as they crash onto a sandy beach, in order to jump the chasm as it were, between Cascadia State and her personal realm of origin, the one presumably somewhere in the vicinity of the Pliedes, in order to, apparently, take advantage of the moon’s gravitational pull (and begin full scale invasion). All good things with patience. Well that’s what she says. You know, if I’m translating correctly. She’s tired of intergalactic prison and would appreciate a hot charge of static electricity once in a while, but you know—it has to be sort of measured. I mean, static electricity is sort of addictive to her, or what have you. Anyway, she wants to build this like, surfboard that allows her to ride the cosmic black hole on a “tasty wave” back into trans-dimensional madness for her own hyper-dimensional module. But only if she’s clean. Static electricity can be poisonous and sometimes deadly to re-animated alien robot corpse-dolls. And don’t forget its not like she’ll just disappear into a landfill and start eating or something. Look at it this way, she always cuts her food before chewing.

I think she’s coming for me. And if her battery pack lasts, she’ll slaughter everybody in Sumas and then dine on the rest of you. I recommend prayer. I’m praying to her now.