Everything I know I learned from Talk Radio(tm)

 April, May, June 1998 

Who are these people? and Did they really say that?

All Clinton-conspiracy, all the time
APRIL 2: Republican talk radio station KVI plays a station promo announcing "Kathleen Willey is the latest, find out who's next on KVI!".

 Fast Forward to the Final Report of the Independent Council, Appendix B: Investigation of Allegations Made by Kathleen E. Willey,  where the results of the investigation into this conspiracy are published: "In short, there was insufficient evidence to prove to a jury beyond a reasonable doubt that President Clinton’s testimony regarding Kathleen Willey was false. Accordingly, the Independent Counsel declined prosecution and the investigation of potential criminal wrongdoing relating to Willey's allegations is now closed."

 Why was there "insufficient evidence?"  Because Willey lied.  Under oath.  Several times.  Enough times that the Independent Council realized a jury wouldn't believe her.  As documented in Appendix B, Willey lied under oath about her encounter with President Clinton in her testimony for the Paula Jones case.  She told a different story to the Grand Jury.  After the Independent Council promised not to prosecute her for lying under oath and granted her immunity, she lied under oath again to the FBI.  The Independent Council caught her in these lies, but granted her immunity again.

 In addition, Linda Tripp testified under oath that Willey pursued President Clinton, trying to start a romance, and enjoyed the Oval Office encounter.  As Tripp recalls, "Kathleen was excited, happy, and although she found the incident in the Oval Office to be overwhelmingly forceful and much more -- used the word 'violent' than she would have expected, she welcomed the advances."   The Independent Counsel expected that a jury would believe Tripp rather than Willey: "evidence supplied by Linda Tripp regarding Willey that was consistent with President Clinton’s testimony would likely be favorably received by a jury."

 So, another Clinton conspiracy bites the dust, but not before giving Clinton-haters years to spew their lies about it.

 Limbaugh the anarchist
APRIL 2: Rush Hellbound Limbaugh III tells us "I'm the one who celebrates government shutdowns - I love it when the government is not working."

 Hellbound's show is sponsored by Blimpie.  As Hellbound says, there's "no better way to ponder the mysteries of the universe than over a Blimpie."

 After receiving the Goebbels award for Excellence in Propaganda
APRIL 7: Rush Heil Limbaugh III is being inducted into the National Association of Broadcasters' Hall of Fame.

 Heil's show is sponsored by Hampton Inns.

 Stand by your ignorance
APRIL 7: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur tells how Hillary Clinton dissed country singer Tammy Wynette in 1992 by saying she wasn't going to "stand by her man", but neglects to mention that they later made up and Wynette performed at the Clinton White House.

 Wilbur's show is sponsored by the American Conservative Coffee Company.

 And a trained parrot could do his
APRIL 7: Republican dirty trickster and talk radio host Floyd Brown kicks off his smear campaign against Senator Patty Murray by laughing uncontrollably at her announcement that she's running for reelection.  His comments on the Senator?  "This woman is stupid", "not the brightest bulb in the Senate", She is a joke!", "a trained monkey could do her job!"

 Fast Forward to the November election results: Senator Murray is reelected with more than 58% of the vote.

 Brown's show is sponsored by The Federal Group realtors - their confidence-inspiring slogan is "guaranteed not to be in cahoots with the federal government!"

 Just brimming over with wrongability
APRIL 11: In a rerun of a previous show, Rush Hack Limbaugh III says that failure of the tobacco settlement to pass Congress means that the FY99 balanced budget promised by President Clinton in his State of the Union address will not come to pass.  Wrong again, the budget not only balances, it has a surplus.

 Hack's show is sponsored by Strenex, an anti-impotency pill.

 Clinton Conspiracy Hour - the new home game version!
APRIL 17: Republican talk radio station KVI debuts their new "White House Scandal Game, " wherein "KVI pays you to cover up!"  Callers can win up to $500.

 He's shot more TVs than Elvis - all in self-defense
APRIL 20: Rush Haldol Limbaugh III is hallucinating again, this time while watching Susan Estrich on TV: "Her mouth was so big I thought the TV was going to eat me!"  and calling her "the mouth that ate CNN."

 Sympathy for the devil
MAY 7: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur is commiserating on the air with "someone I consider a very good friend."  Indeed, says Wilbur, "I think you're a great American!"  He tells his poor friend, who has just been fired, "you're going out with your head held high and someday they will pay!"   Who is this great American who has been so abused?  David Bossie, former top investigator for the Republican-controlled House Government Reform and Oversight Committee investigating possible Clinton-Gore campaign finance "abuses."

 His not-so-secret identity, however, is a gonzo Clinton-conspiracy monger from way back in 1992, when he and Floyd Brown authored "Slick Willy: Why Americans Can't Trust Clinton."  While working for the House committee, this long-time political dirty trickster had his dream job - looting a $100,000+ salary from the taxpayers and wasting more taxpayer money "investigating" myriad conspiracies with one hand, while concocting them on the other.

 It was all so sweet, until his overweening arrogance caused him to release a doctored set of phone transcripts.  The transcripts, taken from prison recordings of Webster Hubbell's phone calls, were pieced together so that Hubbell appeared to be implicating Hillary Clinton in illegal behavior.  The doctoring was so obvious that even Newt Gingrich said he was embarrassed.  (This wasn't the first time Bossie had used tape recordings for an anti-Clinton dirty tricks operation.  He and Floyd Brown produced the Gennifer Flowers 1-800 phone line for the 1992 elections.)   Trying to restore some credibility to the committee, Gingrich ordered committee Chairman Dan Burton (R:Wackoville) to fire Bossie.

 Not everyone on the committee had appreciated Bossie's dirty "investigation" tactics.  According to the Washington Times, the committee's chief counsel, former federal prosecutor James P. Rowley III,  tried to fire Bossie in 1997, saying Bossie's "unrelenting self-promoting actions" made him "unable to implement the standards of professional conduct I have been accustomed to at the United States Attorney's Office."  Chairman Burton (R: Wingnut), however, had no desire to use "standards of professional conduct" and rescinded the order.  Rowley responded by resigning in disgust.

 Wilbur's shit-shoveling show is sponsored by RotoRooter.

 And I get to be king! And everyone has to do what I say! And... AAII! THE TV'S GONNA EAT ME AGAIN!!!
MAY 26: Rush Hohenzollern Limbaugh III says that allowing Secret Service agents to refuse to answer Ken Starr's questions would be "establishing a monarchy!"

 Hohenzollern's show is sponsored by San Pelligrino sparkling water.

 Sad, Lonely People
JUNE 9: Republican talk radio host Mulrooney tells us that his station, KVI, has very high "T.S.L. - Time Spent Listening," and that listeners stay tuned in for "hours and hours" at a time.

 Clinton = Hitler
JUNE 20: Ken Hamblin, the Toxic, er, Black Avenger, says Hitler generated a good economy so that the people wouldn't complain as he became a dictator, and that President Clinton is doing the same thing.

 Hamblin's smear of President Clinton show is sponsored by Lincoln Mercury automobiles.

 Ignorance is Strength
JUNE 23: Official Radio Rabbi Lapin says the publicly-funded media like National Public Radio aren't necessary when you can get all the information he thinks you need from commercial talk radio like KVI.

 [Lapin's show is sponsored by .]

Awww, the Big Bad Congwess was so Mean to Pwesident Weagan
JUNE 25: Mike Reagan has another lame excuse for why it wasn't Ronald Reagan's fault that he ran up the biggest deficit in the history of the planet.  This time, he says Ronnie tried to stop the deficits by impounding  money allocated by Congress, but the Congress sued him to spend the money.  That wascally Congwess!

Truth is, the impound issue is nothing but a red herring.  As shown in the table below, Ronnie never submitted anything close to a balanced budget.  Every budget he submitted contained deficits.  So even if Congress had just rolled over and passed his budgets every year, Reagan still would have run up $1.2 Trillion in deficits.  The plain fact remains that Ronnie was responsible for 86% of the $1.4 Trillion added to the national debt.  Congress was responsible for just 14%.

Federal Budget Outlays
Proposed by Reagan and Actual (passed by Congress)
Values in Billions of dollars
Fiscal Year Reagan Proposed Reagan deficit Actual Congress deficit Total deficit
1982 695.3 77.4 745.8 50.5 127.9
1983 773.3 172.4 808.4 35.1 207.8
1984 862.5 196.0 851.8 -10.7 185.3
1985 940.3 206.2 946.4 6.1 212.3
1986 973.7 204.1 990.3 16.6 220.7
1987 994.0 138.1 1003.9 9.9 148.0
1988 1024.3 115.3 1064.1 39.9 155.1
1989 1094.2 102.0 1144.2 50.0 152.0
Totals 1211.8 197.3 1409.1
% of $1.409 Trillion 86% 14%
Table data obtained from the President Reagan Information Page.

 Reagan's lies are sponsored by Fat-Absorb.

 To Mediocrity and Beyond!
JUNE 25: Today's poll question on Mike Reagan's website is "Who would get  your vote for President?"  Reagan tells us that 72% of his website voters chose Dan Quayle.

 Reagan's show is sponsored by cigarette manufacturers RJ Reynolds, Brown & Williamson, Phillip Morris, and United States Tobacco Company.

 Ask me a hard one
JUNE 26: Mike Reagan is railing about Democrats who are selling out to the Chinese.  According to him, no patriotic Republican firm would do business with those commie rats.  He's so sure of this he challenges his listeners, "Show me a Republican who's got a business going in China!"

Eaassy one.  Richard DeVos, president of Amway, personally contributed more than a $1 million to the Republican party between 1991 and 1997.  Amway itself contributed more than $3 million to the Republicans in the same time period.  DeVos and Amway contributed exactly zero dollars to the Democrats.  Amway supports the Republicans in other ways as well, as when it donated $1.3 million to the Republican's national convention in 1996.

Reagan must be ignorant of the fact that this exemplar of a patriotic Republican firm is doing business in Communist China in a big way.  Since Amway set up in Communist China in 1995, it has invested more than $100 million in production facilities and built up a workforce of more than 100,000 "distributors."

Reagan' show is sponsored by Wittnaur watches.

 Right Wing Conspirator? Moi?
JUNE 30: Fair and Balanced Republican Tony Snow, host of Fox News Sunday, is doing Limbaugh's show today.   Snow brags about his central role in starting the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  He says, "I've been friends with Linda Tripp since the Bush administration" when they both worked in the Bush White House, and introduced Tripp to Lucienne Goldberg, who encouraged Tripp to illegally tape her conversations with Lewinsky.

 Snow's boasts are sponsored by Sidewalk.com

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