Everything I know I learned from Talk Radio(tm)

September 1997 

Who are these people? and Did they really say that?


Radio Road Rage
Say what you will about torture but it works
Moral bankruptcy illustrated




His taste is all in his mouth
SEPTEMBER 2: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur illustrates why government funding for the arts isn't necessary:  "I went to the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert this weekend. That's my taste in arts.  My ticket wasn't subsidized by the federal government."


Wilbur's show is sponsored by Dramamine for motion sickness.


Radio Road Rage
SEPTEMBER 2: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur divulges his method for quickly leaving a crowded parking lot after a rock concert: "we set a record for getting out of the Gorge [concert arena] parking lot.  When you drive a big Ford truck with an extended cab and threaten to run people over, they get out of your way."


Wilbur's show is sponsored by Shiloh Inns.


remedial Actuarial Science 101
SEPTEMBER 7: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin cites as proof of the existence of an omnipotent god the fact that Mother Theresa and Princess Diana died the same week - "this could not be a coincidence!"  he exclaims.  He says that God killed them both in the same week to provide a morality lesson (here's the short version of the lesson: Mother Theresa good, Princess Diana bad).  (But if God was really trying to impress us, wouldn't He have had them die at least on the same exact day, if not on the same exact minute?)
For someone who claims to have a math degree, Lapin is surprisingly ignorant of the basic actuarial fact that Mother Theresa, an 87 year-old woman who'd already been repeatedly hospitalized for severe heart problems, had a very high probability of dying in any particular week.  No supernatural interference was needed to coax her along to her heavenly reward.


Lapin's show is sponsored by "Best Quote" term life insurance.


Balancing the budget isn't enough to gloat about?
SEPTEMBER 12: "Independent" talk radio host Mike Reagan says that President Clinton issued the American Heritage Rivers executive order to give himself something to gloat about when he's running the United Nations.


Reagan's show is sponsored by Nissan.


They might disagree on who the traitor is
SEPTEMBER 14: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin gave a speech last night at the Christian Coalition (ChristCo) National Conference in Atlanta.  Lapin was dismayed, however, to find Jews picketing the conference, protesting ChristCo's bigoted and intolerant policies.  Lapin calls those Jews "traitors to Judaism" for protesting against ChristCo.


Lapin's show is sponsored by Individual Investor Magazine.


There you go again - 100% wrong
SEPTEMBER 16: "Independent" talk radio host Mike Reagan says that alligators are a protected species in Florida and so can't be hunted or "harvested" for their hides, which are made into alligator boots, purses, belts, and watchbands.
This statement is 100% inaccurate. In 1993 alone, according to official Florida state statistics, "Alligator growers recorded gross income of $4.43 million in sales of both hides and meat.  The 42 active growers sold 36,900 hides for an average price of $88 per hide, or a total of $3.25 million. Producers also sold 234,000 pounds of meat, about 8 pounds per gator, for an average of $5.03 per pound."  So there's no lack of alligator hides "harvested" for use in making boots.  As for hunting, Florida also allows hunting (actually, alligators are trapped).  You don't even have to be a Florida resident.


Reagan's show is sponsored by Wade Cook's Money Machine.


Wagging the dog
SEPTEMBER 22: Limbaugh describes how he lectured Republican Senator Fred Thompson about the strategy the Republicans should follow in investigating Democratic campaign financing.


Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Bose Wave Radio.


This week, Hitler drops to #2 on the Evil Incarnate Hit Parade
SEPTEMBER 22: Paula Thomas, the producer of Republican talk radio host John Carlson's show, calls a Washington State gun control initiative "evil incarnate."


Carlson's show is sponsored by Harley Davidson motorcycles.


Say what you will about torture but it works
SEPTEMBER 24:  Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur announces "say what you will about the Saudi justice system but it works" regarding the possible beheading of a British woman convicted of murder in Saudi Arabia.


Wilbur's show is sponsored by Freedent gum.


Moral bankruptcy illustrated
SEPTEMBER 25: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin is asked by a caller why conservatives oppose protecting kids from pregnancy and sexual diseases by providing them sex education and condoms.   Rabbi Lapin explains that kids should be taught that "[you] make your decisions and accept the consequences and shouldn't be protected from those consequences" and thus shouldn't be provided condoms to protect them from the negative consequences of sex.
Rabbi Lapin wasn't so willing to accept the consequences of his own decisions when he went broke in the late 1980's after speculating in the Los Angeles real-estate market.  Faced with the daunting prospect of repaying millions of dollars to his investors, some of them members of Lapin's own congregation, Lapin instead left town and declared bankruptcy.


Lapin's show is sponsored by dealers of Cadillac, Land Rover, and Lexus automobiles.


None of that messing around with juries and that "innocent until proven guilty" stuff
SEPTEMBER 30: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur calls for justice that is "certain and swift and sure like they have in Saudi Arabia".


Wilbur's show is sponsored by Heart Scan.

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Copyright 1997, 1998 W.R. Ross All Rights Reserved