Samples:

 

Who says you can't run away from your problems?

JUNE 1:  Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin's topic tonight is how people regret and are haunted by the bad decisions and mistakes they've made in the past.  Specifically, Lapin says President Clinton is "immobilized by regret and remorse" over past mistakes like Paula Jones and Whitewater.

 

It's a shame that Lapin chooses not to share with the radio audience his own inspiring story of overcoming regret and recovering from bad decisions.  He was probably too modest to brag about how he saved his family from economic doom, so we'll tell the uplifting tale.

 

Since the late '70s, Lapin was the rabbi (and co-founder, with Michael Medved, now also a talk radio host at KVI) of the Pacific Jewish Center in Venice Beach, California.  He was also the founder of a California real-estate investment firm and a number of his followers from the Pacific Jewish Center were investors in the firm.  Although Lapin now markets himself as a motivational speaker to business groups, his business acumen wasn't apparent when the California real estate market crashed in the late '80s.  With his real estate business crumbling around him, Lapin decided to head to greener pastures, as shown in the following chronology:

 

April 1991	After completing an expensive remodel of his Los Angeles home, Lapin says in a letter to his congregation that  "We plan to enjoy that home for many years to come."
September 1991	Lapin buys a $300,000 house in Washington State near Seattle and  spends $125,000 remodeling it.
March 1992	Lapin, with family and yacht in tow, leaves his California home and congregation and moves to the Washington State home.
April 1992	Lapin's real-estate investment firm declares bankruptcy and investors in the firm, including members of his congregation, lose millions of dollars.

 

The unsinkable Lapin, once safely ensconced among the unsuspecting citizens of Washington State, embarked on a new career as an inspirational business speaker, articulating the Judeo-Christian roots of capitalism, and as a right-wing talk radio host, describing the "Biblical Blueprint" which he says was used by the Founding Fathers to create the United States.

 

Lapin's show is sponsored by the US Marines.

 

We always knew Republicans were just kidding about balancing the budget

JUNE 3: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur has Bill Kristol of the Weekly Standard newspaper on his show.  Kristol calls the Republican-controlled Congress "clueless" for signing on to a balanced budget plan.

 

Wilbur agrees, saying "when it comes right down to it, nobody cares about balancing the budget."

 

Wilbur's show is sponsored by Christian Supply.

 

What about, um,  fixing potholes in city streets?

JUNE 4: Republican talk radio host Michael Medved supports spending hundreds of millions of taxpayer's dollars to build a football stadium for multi-billionaire Paul Allen, giving as his reason: "if the State doesn't spend $320 million on it [the stadium], what would they spend it on as an alternative?"

 

Medved's show is sponsored by Preferred Credit: "No Equity? No Problem!"

 

How green was my jungle

JUNE 9: "Independent" talk radio host Mike Reagan puts the blame for tropical deforestation on the indigenous peoples of the Amazon rainforest.  Reagan says these jungle dwellers are cutting down their tropical forests at unprecedented rates because they "need the wood - this is where they get their heat from."

 

True Science Fact: the average temperature in the Amazon rainforest is about 80°F, with only a very small seasonal variation between the summer and winter months.

 

Reagan's show is sponsored by Correctol laxative.

 

What a turkey

JUNE 10: "Independent", i.e. not Republican, talk radio host Mike Reagan has the answer to the Census Bureau's chronic problem of undercounting people on the fringes of society.  His solution? "Why not do the census on Thanksgiving Day, where you know where all the homeless are?" i.e. at shelters getting a turkey dinner.

 

Reagan's show is sponsored by Denny's Restaurants.

 

Color me stupid

JUNE 11: "Independent", i.e. not Republican, talk radio host Mike Reagan is annoyed that people support  President Clinton's veto of a badly-needed disaster relief bill and blame the Republican-controlled Congress for provoking the veto by attaching unrelated budget provisions to it.   Reagan's explanation for the citizenry's support of President Clinton?  "People are stupid."

 

Reagan's show is sponsored by Math Made Easy video tapes.

 

Demagogue This!

JUNE 14: In a "best of" rerun of a program from the previous week, Limbaugh is ranting on about how President Clinton could have used the line item veto to remove just the objectionable sections of a disaster relief bill instead of vetoing the whole bill.  Limbaugh says the reason President Clinton didn't use the line item veto to delete a continuing budget resolution inserted into the relief bill by the Republicans was because "he [Clinton] wants the government to shut down" again so that Clinton can "demagogue" the Republicans.

 

Limbaugh has people call in and suggest more reasons why President Clinton didn't use the line item veto, but this backfires when a puzzled caller inquires whether Limbaugh was aware that there were several reasons that President Clinton could not have used the line item veto on the disaster relief bill.  One reason is that the line item veto can only be used on appropriation bills, not emergency bills, and another reason is that the line item veto is under review by the Supreme Court and can't be used until the Court gives its ruling.

 

Limbaugh admits that he knew President Clinton couldn't use the line item veto, but then, unfazed by having been revealed as an honesty-challenged demagogue himself, he smoothly sets up a new imaginary situation and continues his attack on President Clinton, saying "if he [Clinton] could line it out, he wouldn't, so that he could demagogue the Republicans."

 

Limbaugh is sponsored by TeleCard: "make $25k to $50k/year working 5-10 hours/week".

 

Slave family values

JUNE 17: Limbaugh, upset by the idea that it might be appropriate for the United States to issue an official apology to blacks for subjecting them to slavery, argues that slavery wasn't so bad because "slave societies were family-based and family-oriented."

 

Anyone who holds this view of slavery as a sort of quaint and harmless lifestyle might want to visit the Narratives on Slavery web pages.  These pages, part of the Documenting the American South project of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, provide first-person accounts by ex-slaves of the unspeakably denigrating treatment they received during that unlamented period when the United States allowed human beings to be owned as property.

 

Limbaugh is sponsored by Salix saliva enhancer (although it's unlikely his listeners need any help drooling).

 

One thing I hate, is ungrateful slaves

JUNE  18:  Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur is discussing the topic of an official US apology to blacks for slavery.  An indignant caller says "they [blacks] should thank God that their ancestors were brought here, otherwise they'd still be on the plains of Africa living in mud huts and hunting with spears and bows.  They wouldn't be here in the US making millions playing basketball in the NBA or working in Hollywood like Bill Cosby."

 

Wilbur's show is sponsored by a car dealer selling Cadillac, Lexus, and Land Rover automobiles.

 

Conspiracy of the month club

JUNE 20:  Limbaugh is promoting the Clinton Conspiracy of the Month, this one from the American Spectator magazine, a viciously anti-Clinton organ sponsored by right-wing wacko billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife.

 

According to this demented fantasy, the Clinton administration, always on the lookout for campaign financing funds, instantly saw the crash of TWA Flight 800 as an opportunity to raise money from the airlines.  "Vice Perpetrator" Al Gore threatened the airlines with tight security measures (through his safety commision) until they coughed up a total of $500k of soft money.  After this payoff, a "personal retainer" of the Gore family, who just happened to be the lead investigator of the NTSB investigating the crash, said the crash was caused by mechanical failure.

 

Limbaugh is sponsored by Toshiba portable computers.