Everything I know I learned from Talk Radio(tm)

May 1997 

Who are these people? and Did they really say that?


Suffer the little children?
The con artist as a young man
You get what you pay for
Don't tell Limbaugh about Vietnam
MAY 20:  Limbaugh says on his Morning Update: "If mistakes are allowed to be made in the [US] military, it will soon cease to be a military."
Limbaugh's is sponsored by Video Only
Suffer the little children?
MAY 20:  Republican dirty trickster, noted homophobe, and talk radio host Floyd Brown's guest is from American Values Investing, which screens and classifies stocks and mutual funds into two groups:  "family-friendly" and "anti-family".
Surprisingly, "child labor is not a screening factor" for the family-friendly label, so Nike, notorious for exploiting child labor in its overseas factories, is classified as a family-friendly firm.
The "anti-family" label seems to be reserved for firms providing domestic (same-sex) partner benefits.  Some of these anti-family firms, and their crimes, are:
a "leader in promoting the culture of homosexuals"
the "most active homosexual promoter"
provides domestic partner benefits
the "most active pro-homosexual corporation today"
Royal Dutch Shell
provides domestic partner benefits
Phillip Morris
provides domestic partner benefits, plus buys ads in gay magazines
Brown's show is sponsored by "Fat-Absorb" which claims to use chitin to absorb fat.   True Science Fact: chitin happens to be what the shells of cockroaches are composed of.
"Deep Blue" always had a sinister ring to it
MAY 21: Republi-, oops, Independent talk radio host Mike Reagan says the UN is making the US into a "global pawn in its international chess game".
Reagan's show is sponsored by CyberVision Language Systems.
Portrait of the con artist as a young man
MAY 21: "Independent" (i.e. not Republican) talk radio host Mike Reagan regales us with the boyish pranks he pulled on gullible tourists while he was working at Yellowstone Park (presumably before it was taken over by the UN).  He charged tourists to spin a valve wheel to "turn on" the Old Faithful geyser and sold tickets to tourists in the lodge to watch Old Faithful erupt.  The skills Reagan developed at Yellowstone in conning credulous boobs are still used by him every day in his radio show.
Speaking of con artists, Reagan's show is sponsored by multi-billionaire Paul Allen, the 7th richest man in the world, who demands that the taxpayers of Washington State (aka gullible boobs) pay hundreds of millions of dollars to build a brand-new football stadium in Seattle (and tear down the existing football stadium) before he will agree to buy the Seattle Seahawks football team.
It's official
MAY 22:  Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin declares: "I'm your official KVI [radio station] Rabbi."
MAY 26:   Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin says that people on unemployment are "lazy slobs that don't want to work."
Lapin's show is sponsored by an anti-snoring clinic
You get what you pay for
MAY 28:   Limbaugh constructs one of his typical illogical assertions, saying that since the life expectency of men living in the former Eastern Bloc is decreasing, this proves that "socialism kills."
Let's help him out with a bit of simple reasoning.  With the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe, citizens of those countries lost their right to socialized health care.  State-provided health care was replaced with the market-driven ethos of "you get all the health care you can pay for."  If life expectency is now decreasing, then any reasonable person would conclude that it's the loss of socialism that "kills."
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Garlique garlic tablets.
Ever seen Ronald Reagan except for on TV?
MAY 28: "Independent" talk radio host Mike Reagan is not a fan of Jesse Jackson, saying:  "ever seen Jesse Jackson except for on TV?", and, "the only time he [Jesse Jackson] goes to church is when the TV cameras are there".
Reagan's show is sponsored by Ensure, a vitamin drink supplement.
"You have the poor with you always" no longer applies
MAY 28:  Official KVI Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin says: "there are no poor people in America".
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Copyright 1997 W.R. Ross All Rights Reserved