Reach out and harass someone
JANUARY 2: Republican talk radio hosts John
Carlson and Kirby Wilbur give out the phone number of a progressive group
planning to protest at Newt Gingrich's upcoming visit to Seattle. Carlson
announces the group's phone number repeatedly over several days and urges
his listeners to call and use their "First Amendment rights" to harass
the organization and disrupt their protest planning.
For example, on Jan 4, he encourages his listeners to call the group and
"express your feelings! Don't bottle them up, let them out!". On Jan 5,
Wilbur encourages his listeners to join a pro-Newt counter-demonstration,
saying they can "help counteract the loony left", those "leftovers from
the 60's, who inhaled but haven't exhaled yet".
Perhaps Carlson and Wilbur were worried that protesters might infiltrate
one of Newt's fund-raisers and challenge him to justify blunders like shutting
down the federal government (twice!) because of an imagined slight by the
Or perhaps their guilty consciences were worried about karmic payback,
since they and their fellow talk radio hosts had earlier helped organize
a loutish mob to pack a public forum where Hillary Rodham Clinton was speaking
about health care. This mob then shouted down the First Lady and generally
behaved like a bunch of yahoos - about what you would expect from right
wing talk radio listeners. On Jan 9, Wilbur specifically invited this same
mob to join the pro-Newt counter-demonstration, saying "if you were at
the Hillary rally, you should be at this one".
Carlson's and Wilbur's shows are sponsored by Ford.
And I just buy Playboy for the articles
JANUARY 4: In response to a caller's complaint
about convenience stores indiscriminantly handing out Winston cigarette
branded merchandise to children, Republican talk radio host John Carlson
asserts that "cigarette advertising exists only to get smokers to change
brands, like from Camels to Winstons".
That is, the ubiquitous Joe Camel cartoon character is not intended to
recruit children into the ranks of the nicotine-addicted. Carlson further
asserts that children actually start smoking because they see their grunge
rock stars in Rolling Stone smoking or a character in "Friends" smoking.
When the caller attempts to rebut these assertions, Carlson hangs up on
him, calling him a "fanatical anti-smoking advocate who doesn't know when
to shut up!"
Carlson's show is sponsored by Bartell Drug Stores.
Damning with faint praise
JANUARY 5: Republican talk radio host
Kirby Wilbur calls President Clinton a "draft dodger" and "traitor" for
what he did during the Vietnam (undeclared) War. However, Wilbur says he
does not believe the President is a murderer.
Wilbur's show is sponsored by The Spirit of Washington Murder Mystery Train.
Why talk when you can fight?
JANUARY 5: Republican talk radio host
Kirby Wilbur articulates his personal method of rational discourse on the
political, social, religious, and moral issues he discusses on his show,
saying "it's not just a debate at the Oxford debating society, it's a war!".
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Evergreen Money Source (a loan company).
Dr. Kervorkian calling for Hugh Sprunt...
JANUARY 10: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin has Hugh
Sprunt as a guest on the show. Sprunt, a self-styled "expert" on the death
of Vincent Foster, explained why he has the necessary experience to investigate
As a child, Sprunt helped his grandfather commit suicide with a similar
handgun: a 38 caliber with a 4" barrel and using high-velocity ammunition.
Sprunt helped his grandfather choose between two handguns to do the deed
with, then went out of the room, closing the door behind him. When he heard
his grandfather fire the shot that blew his brains out, he went back in
the room and saw the blown-out brains and the blood pumping while his grandfather
Based on this gory (and no doubt traumatic) experience, Sprunt says that
Foster's death was "too clean" to be a suicide.
JANUARY 18: Limbaugh takes a sound clip of
Rep. Henry Waxman saying "So what" and plays it out of context as the answer
to several of his statements, such as:
Limbaugh: "My daughter just came home with cocaine from school!"
Limbaugh: "I'm going to blow second-hand smoke up your big ugly nostrils
'cuz I don't like you!"
The bottom line? Limbaugh does use sound clips out of context, although
he denies it.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Chocolate Ovaltine.
Kinda like Crips and Bloods, huh?
FEBRUARY 2: Republican talk radio host Kirby
Wilbur informs his listeners that the difference between Nazis and Communists
is "semantic and on the surface. Only the color of the uniforms was different".
This as part of a proof that Nazis were/are left-wing.
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Bernie's Bagels.
Honey, where's my good white sheet? I'm late for my Elks meeting
FEBRUARY 16: Republican talk radio host Kirby
Wilbur interviews Larry Pratt of Pat Buchanan's presidential campaign.
Wilbur sympathizes with Pratt, suggesting that for Pratt to attend a Randy
Weaver support rally which included speakers from the Aryan Nations is
actually quite innocuous - "like me going down to an Elk's meeting".
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Kaufman's Tall & Big Men's Shop.
Limbaugh is such a big, fat, idiot of a target
MARCH 26: After complaining about Representative
Henry "Nostrilitis" Waxman, Limbaugh justifies his trademark ad hominem
attacks, saying it's ok to make fun of someone's physical attributes if
you include something else to comment on.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by cheese (American Dairy Farmers).
So that's what "Be All That You Can Be" means
MARCH 28: Republican radio talk show host Michael
Reagan says that American soldiers are paid so little that, when they are
sent overseas, their wives have to become prostitutes in order to support
Reagan's show is sponsored by Extra Strength Gold Bond Medicated
He didn't think they took him so seriously...
APRIL 24: Republican talk radio host John Carlson's
guest is Morris Dees, the head of the Southern Poverty Law Center, who
has a new book out about the threat from militias. Carlson is in the uncharacteristic
role of saying things are basically ok the way they are and that problems
should be resolved via the democratic process.
Carlson finds himself defending this rational, down to earth worldview
from his listeners, the 2nd Amendment fundamentalists and "Freemen" wanna-bes,
who swamp the phone lines to say that they are no longer free citizens
in a free country and that revolution is the only course left to them.
Carlson seems surprised that, after working so hard sowing distrust and
discord, he's now reaping paranoia and alienation among his listeners.
Carlson's show is sponsored by the YMCA.
The End of Civility As We Know It
APRIL 29: Limbaugh says that the "only person
who can dishonor the Presidency is the President - I can't." This is intended
to free him to use any slur he wants against the President.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Luden's Cough Drops.
Did his kid come home with a bad report card today?
MAY 1: Republican talk radio host Mike Reagan
tells of schools teaching that students "should have two homosexual encounters
before having a heterosexual one". Reagan neglects to name any such school,
though. He goes on to say "there's nothing being taught in schools today"
and "there's garbage being taught in school today". So which is it? Nothing
Reagan's show is sponsored by the Fonix Game.
Reach out and harass someone redux...
MAY 1: The AFL-CIO sponsors a radio ad encouraging
people to use their toll-free 1-800 phone number to call regarding minimum
wage legislation. Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur encourages his
listeners to use that same 1-800 number to call their congressman. On May
3, Wilbur encourages his listeners to call the same number and talk about
the health care bill.
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Crystal Breath breath mints.
She's an expert on the subject
MAY 6: "He [President Clinton] can lie without
batting an eyelash" - Arianna "Rasputin" Huffington on Mike Reagan's talk
Reagan's show is sponsored by the Columbia House Audio Book Club.
Hey, we all make mistakes our first week on the job
MAY 9: Limbaugh, keeping the conspiracy flames
alive, says "She [Janet Reno] ordered that hit on Waco".
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by the "Snappy" Computer Video Snapshot.
'Fess up, Carlson, you think she's cute, don'tcha?
JUNE 17: Republican talk radio host John Carlson
complains about a previous caller, saying he "did what Jennifer James does
- getting factual items 100 percent wrong and backwards". Carlson must
really have a grudge against James, a New Age-ish author/columnist, going
out of his way to drag her name in as an example of complete inaccuracy.
Carlson's show is sponsored by Hershey's Candies.
What about that awkward bit in the Constitution
about "Cruel and Unusual"?
JUNE 19: Today's history trivia question on
Kirby Wilbur's radio talk show is "Where were Julian and Ethel Rosenberg
executed?". Wilbur enjoys this topic, saying he thinks they were executed
in the gas chamber and that "I hope it took a good, long time" for them
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Sleep Country USA, a mattress retailer.
If I wanted facts, I'd make them up myself...
JULY 11: Limbaugh, defending the debunked claim
in retired FBI Agent Gary Aldrich's book Unlimited Access that Bill
and Hillary Clinton made a deal in 1992 where she would stick by him in
return for power after the election, says: "It doesn't matter if Aldrich
got it right or not - we all know something like that must have happened!"
Limbaugh is sponsored by Bayer Aspirin.
The End of Civility As We Know It strikes again...
JULY 17: Republican talk radio host Mike Reagan,
that paragon of civility, talks about "[Tom] Daschle's idiot boss, Ted
Kennedy, who never walked past a bar he didn't like".
Reagan's show is sponsored by the Sequester Weight Loss Program.
Just following orders...
JULY 19: The Wall Street Journal reports that
the GOP had faxed a "talking points" memo rebutting the "Wither" commercial
put out by the AFL-CIO to more than 1500 radio talk show hosts. Republican
talk radio host Mike Reagan, never one to ignore a command from Republican
headquarters, dutifully reads the memo on his show. He does not, however,
inform his listeners that he's reading from a GOP script.
Reagan's show is sponsored by Carnival Cruises.
He prefers his women tall, like Jennifer James
AUGUST 1: Republican talk radio host
John Carlson refers to "our half-a-senator Patty Murray", apparently a
reference to the diminutive stature of the junior Senator from Washington
Carlson's show is sponsored by Applebee's Bar and Grill.
Sorry, I've got to stay home and cut my toenails
AUGUST 12: Republican talk radio hosts John
Carlson and Michael Medved host a party at a local hotel to watch Bob Dole's
Carlson's show is sponsored by an anti-snoring clinic.
I'm a talk radio host, dammit, not an economist!
AUGUST 26: Republican talk radio host John
Carlson states that economic recoveries do not die, they have to be killed
by "the government". Carlson says that without government interference,
a recovery can go on and on, and on, and on...
Carlson's show is sponsored by "Sure You Can" computer training.
Is someone is little insecure in their manhood?
AUGUST 26: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin says that
the Republican national convention was characterized by "manliness", while
the Democrats' was characterized by "wimpiness". He also says that the
First Lady shouldn't be responsible for anything but "making the White
Rabbi Lapin is sponsored by cheese (American Dairy Farmers).
Like Elvis didn't?
AUGUST 26: Republican talk radio host Michael
Medved, broadcasting from the Democratic National Convention, ridicules
a group petitioning to put John Belushi on a postage stamp, saying "he
died of a drug overdose! (snicker)!".
Medved's show is sponsored by Land Rover.
Sorry, I've got to stay home and launder my
money this weekend
AUGUST 26: Republican talk radio hosts John
Carlson and Kirby Wilbur are Masters of Ceremony at last weekend's annual
Republican Party Picnic, held at the horse ranch (each horse has a skylight
in his stall) of multi-millionaire Thomas Stewart.
One of the picnic entertainments is a "Dunk a Democrat Tank", where
children wearing masks of President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Rodham
Clinton are doused in a tank of water.
Thomas Stewart is a major bankroller of conservative candidates and
causes - both legal and illegal. A few weeks before, Stewart and his company
paid a $60,000 fine for laundering illegal campaign contributions.
Stewart's money (legal and illegal) supports a number of conservative mouthpieces,
including John Carlson's Washington Institute for Policy Studies. Stewart
sits on the board and provides office space at a reduced rate for the institute.
Carlson's show is sponsored by WebTV.
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink
AUGUST 28: Kermit Wilbur maintains his credibility
with the conspiracy crowd by talking about Vince Foster's "apparent or
Wilbur's show is sponsored by "Wade Cook's Wall Street Money Machine".
Sorry, I've got to stay home and mow the lawn
AUGUST 30: Kirby Wilbur reminds his listeners:
"don't forget [to go to] Jennifer Dunn's (R-WA) Labor Day party!"
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Harrah's Skagit Indian Casino.
At least Gephardt didn't pass out checks from tobacco lobbyists on the
AUGUST 30/31: Republican talk radio host John
Carlson, still kinda defensive about the whole tobacco thing, says "Tobacco
has given as much money to Democrats as Republicans."
Carlson's show is sponsored by Honda.
And if you believe that, I've got a bridge for sale
AUGUST 30/31: Republican talk radio host John
Carlson asserts that Reagan was only responsible for 30% of the never-before-seen-in-human-history
deficits of the '80s. He says that Democrats with their social spending
accounted for the other 70%.
Carlson's show is sponsored by Applebee's Bar and Grill.
Whaddya expect from one of those lifetime federal government employees?
SEPTEMBER 3: Republican talk radio host John
Carlson has retired FBI agent Gary Aldrich, author of Unlimited Access,
on his show. Aldrich says "I've done a lot of research on Hillary since
I retired" and shares his findings, which are that the First Lady has a
"leftist agenda" and a "Marxist/feminist agenda" and "helped free Black
Panthers during summer work".
He then puts Watergate, that criminal attempt to subvert the American democratic
process, in context by saying "what happened at Watergate was a 3 to 4
- the Travel Office and FBI files are a 7-8" in severity.
Carlson's show is sponsored by Meow Mix cat food.
son of The End of Civility As We Know It
SEPTEMBER 4: Making his contribution to the
national debate on civility, Republican talk radio host Michael Medved
says that the "Iraqi news media has as much credibility as the Democratic
National Committee's statistics".
Medved's show is sponsored by Sears/Kenmore.
Substitute "Defense" for "Education" and I'd agree
SEPTEMBER 4: Republican talk radio host
John Carlson says "you're pro-education if you want to spend more money,
and an ideologue if you want to be more efficient or do things that don't
cost more money".
Carlson's show is sponsored by the US West telephone company.
Sorry, but I'm getting a root canal that day
SEPTEMBER 9: Republican talk radio hosts Kirby
Wilbur and Mike Reagan host a fund-raiser for House freshman Randy Tate
(R-WA), publicizing the fund-raiser on their respective shows. Even though
Republican cash cow Thomas Stewart kicks in $4,500 (at least that's the
legal contribution - who knows what other illegal contributions
he made), Randy Tate later loses to a Democrat in the election.
Reagan's show is sponsored by Jello Pudding.
Honey, where's my script from the GOP? Oh, it's coming in on the fax
SEPTEMBER 12: Mike Reagan says about President
Clinton: "He can lie better than anyone" and "most of Clinton's [cabinet]
team is in leg irons". Reagan also plays a collection of out-of-context
sound clips of President Clinton giving various target dates for balancing
the budget. This is the same collection of sound clips played at the Republican
Reagan's show is sponsored by GMC trucks.
C'mon, what do you really think of President Clinton?
SEPTEMBER 19: Republican talk radio host
Mike Medved says "I hate Bill Clinton and what he stands for as much as
Medved's show is sponsored by Toyota.
It's not what people don't know, it's what they know that ain't so
SEPTEMBER 19: Mike Reagan says "I know
the UN has a plan for global gun control."
Reagan's show is sponsored by Horizon Airlines.
The return of - If I wanted facts, I'd make them up myself
SEPTEMBER 23: Limbaugh whines that President
Clinton's declaration of the new Utah National Monument is a "federal landgrab
from private property rights." That statement is totally fact-free:
the land in question was federal land to start with (a tiny bit was state
land). It was never private property.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Breath-Rite Nasal Strips.
It takes a village, stupid
SEPTEMBER 25: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin says
"young boys who grow up with only a single mother become predators on society."
He likes this statement so much, he repeats it several times. He also says
that young girls who grow up with only a single mother become man-haters.
Lapin's show is sponsored by the US Navy.
That explains why they picked Pat Buchanan for President
OCTOBER 7: Republican talk radio host
Kirby Wilbur asserts that 1/2 to 1/3 of the turnout at this year's county
Republican conventions near Seattle said they were there due to talk radio.
Wilbur's show is sponsored by "Savvy" clothes stores.
Slovodan Milosovich calling for Mike Reagan...
OCTOBER 12: Republican talk radio host
Mike Reagan shares his simple, yet effective idea for settling things in
Bosnia: "we should ship them weapons, let them fight it out, and the last
one left standing gets Bosnia".
Reagan's show is sponsored by HeartScan Seattle.
So is doin' it doggie-style uncivilized?
NOVEMBER 4: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin asserts that
"the basis of Judeo-Christian culture and manners is to behave in ways
that differentiate humans from animals". He gives as examples of non-civilized
behavior: combing one's hair in public like a baboon, scratching oneself
in public like a dog, and allowing one's body to emit "strange" noises
like an animal.
That's a pathetic analysis
NOVEMBER 3: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin makes
a last-ditch attempt to legitimize Ellen Craswell, a ChristCo
Republican and self-described "Christian radical", who lags far behind
the moderate Democratic candidate in the race for Washington State Governor.
Lapin says it's an "extraordinarily simple choice. How could anyone concerned
about the welfare of the state vote for anyone but [Christian radical]
Reality: 2, Medved 0
NOVEMBER 4: Republican talk radio host
and infallible political prognosticator Michael Medved refuses to call
the election outcome because "it looks like a horse race right down to
the wire for President and [Washington State] Governor."
The Democratic candidates for President and Governor both win by landslides.
Medved's show is sponsored by Wade Cook, who promises to "double
your money every few months!"
I'm a Rabbi, dammit, not a scientist!
NOVEMBER 11: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin announces
that scientific studies published in the New England Journal of Medicine
and The Lancet show that when patients are prayed for, even if they don't
know about the prayers, they do better than other patients. He then challenges
his listeners to explain this miraculous phenomenon.
In reality, however, the "scientific studies" turn out to be opinion polls!
(Hint for the home-schooled: opinion polls are not science.)
I'm glad that Ellen Craswell got cancer treatment at a publicly-funded
NOVEMBER 11: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin complains
about paying taxes that go to pay for Medicare health care: "I'm glad Donna
Shalala's mother got an artificial knee at a cost of $79,000. But I don't
recall being asked to pay for it!"
Term limits only apply to Democrats
NOVEMBER 15: Kirby Wilbur tells House member
Steve Largent (R-OK): "I don't want term limits as long as there are people
like you in Congress."
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Car Toys.
If anyone's an expert on kooks and weirdos...
NOVEMBER 24: Limbaugh says "you wouldn't
buy an electric car unless you're one of those kook weirdos who has to
be the first one on the block."
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Melatonex.
That explains all those blue-helmeted bears
NOVEMBER 26: Mike Reagan says "the UN
has been able to take over our National Parks."
Reagan's show is sponsored by the Puyallup Home Show.
This guy must like cruel and unusual punishments...
DECEMBER 9/10: Republican talk radio host Kirby
Wilbur is indignant that a woman was arrested for cruelty to animals after
she trapped several squirrels in her attic and then left them in the traps
to die slowly of thirst and hunger. Wilbur explains that no cruelty could
have occurred because squirrels are "pests - rats with a good publicity
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Yamaha Snowmobiles.
But aren't soldiers trained to kill, too?
DECEMBER 11: Mike Reagan justifies sexual harassment
in the Army, because "[male] soldiers are trained to be desensitized to
the harassment and abuse of women. So how can you expect [male] soldiers
not to harass women?"
Reagan's show is sponsored by Winter Fresh gum.
How historic can it be if Limbaugh slept there?
DECEMBER 16: Mike Reagan whines that the First
Family auctions off nights spent in the White House and "doesn't look at
the historic value of sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom".
Reagan's show is sponsored by Comdrex cold medicine.
Slovodan Milosovich calling for Mike
DECEMBER 19: Mike Reagan says "I support
the death penalty and I'm comfortable with innocent people being executed...
After all, wasn't Jesus innocent? And wasn't he put to death?" He berates
a caller who is squeamish about executing innocent people, saying "It's
your guilt that makes you worry about an innocent person being put to death."
Reagan's show is sponsored by American Spectator magazine.
Junk Science, or, Ever try to pick up a puddle of water?
DECEMBER 22: Radio Rabbi Lapin's topic tonight
is that "scientists" have abandoned the theory of evolution. The discussion
veers into an absurdly distorted discussion of the Second Law of Thermodynamics,
capped when Lapin asserts that an ice cube has no more "order" than water
- "how can you say one has more order than the other? Water
is held together with hydrogen bonds and ice by the crystalline bond."
Lapin should tell those Texaco executives that racism doesn't exist
DECEMBER 23: Lapin's topic tonight is racism.
He asserts that the United States has reached the goal of a color-blind
society - "We're there!". He says that "liberals" are the only force keeping
racism alive - it wouldn't exist otherwise. He explains that "liberals"
are doing this so that they can stay in power.
If at first you don't succeed, change the subject
DECEMBER 23: After making one of his trademark
absolute statements: "No representative of apartheid was allowed to speak
at an American campus", Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin has that statement proved
completely false by a caller who attended a talk at Florida State University
with both pro- and anti-apartheid representatives from South Africa.
Lapin's response to being proven wrong? He changes the subject with
yet another absolute statement, saying "No university ever welcomed a pro-life
Would he have said the same thing about Dr. Salk?
DECEMBER 23: Radio Rabbi Lapin is unhappy with
Time magazine's selection of Dr. Ho, the AIDS researcher largely responsible
for the first effective anti-HIV treatment, as Man of the Year, saying
"this is so crazy for this guy to be Time's Man of the Year... He hasn't
accomplished anything yet" - "hasn't come up with anything decisive or
practical". Lapin then explains how Dr. Ho was selected: "the cancer lobby
is not as influential in the media as the homosexuals."
and the Foot In Mouth award goes to...
DECEMBER 24: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin, after apparently
imbibing a little too freely of holiday cheer, decides that Christmas Eve,
with its atmosphere of charity, hope, and forgiveness, is the perfect occasion
to hand out "Darwin Awards" to people who accidentally killed themselves
by doing stupid things.
Getting sentimental about the shutdown
DECEMBER 27: Republican talk radio host Michael
Medved reminisces with a caller about Newt's government shutdown. They
get weepy when they recall how they "felt camaraderie with my conservative
friends when the government was shut down". They both agree that "closing
down non-essential government was great!"
Medved's show is sponsored by Telecard - "Work 5-10 hours a week,
and make $25k to $35k a year or more!"
C'mon, what do you really think of Newt?
DECEMBER 27: Republican talk radio host
Mike Medved says of Newt: "He's a man I love and admire...".
Medved's show is sponsored by "Realm" pheremone perfume.
I hear Kathy Lee Gifford is hiring
DECEMBER 30: Radio Rabbi Dan Lapin says that
the best thing for his 12-year old son right now - "what he needs" - is
to go to work for a year or so for about $2/hour. Lapin complains that
it's illegal for him, as a parent, to provide this necessary experience
for his son.