Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
I have read the first and third of Hendrix's books. Hendrix is mentioned by Shields in How to Avoid the Mommy Trap, and my mother-in-law liked Getting... a lot and had recently bought Giving... and kindly loaned them both to me. Hendrix is a pastoral counselor with strong tendencies to psychotherapy that he's been slowly getting over between his early work and his more recent work. Alice Miller is clearly an influence. As with Miller, over time he has learned to trust what he learned from his patients and his own experience over what the "experts" have said.
While Hendrix can be a bit opaque and overly Freudian, he does have an unusually good handle on some central insights, particularly when it comes to why a lot of us are so strongly attracted to people who are so much like the parents who let us down (and possibly abused us) and are so likely to repeat what we so need to get over -- as with classical victims of abuse, we're looking for a do over and a different ending. Hendrix has a plan to help them get it. His parenting book is an effort to help people who don't want to pass along the nastiness to another generation.
His exercises in Getting... that involve listing off characteristics of parents, good and bad, have a lot of potential to give insight into your dating and marital patterns if you don't have it already. In both books, the second half, with the specific advice, is stronger than the first. Several of his exercises should have the same effect as Gottmans. I don't find Hendrix all that helpful, over and above Gottman, and insights I've gained through other sources. I particularly dislike the idea of loading the weight of curing all my childhood issues onto a marriage. Marriages have a lot to deal with already. I'm a big believer in Good Enough, and while I'm willing to work to make a relationship better, I think it's really quite nice when a relationship reaches a point where it ticks along rewardingly for all participants. That aside, Hendrix has a lot of good points assembled in an interesting framework. My mother-in-law spoke quite highly of the weekend seminar she attended.
Copyright 2006 by Rebecca Allen.
Created July 11, 2006 Updated July 11, 2006