Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
Before Teddy was born, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have anyone come stay with us to help us out after he was born. Also, I knew it could be difficult to predict when a first baby would be born. So I did not initially plan to have anyone stay with us to help us. My husband's mother really wanted to meet the new baby. I thought we might want time to bond as a family before anyone else disrupted us, so we scheduled her visit three weeks after Teddy was due. A very close friend who photographed our wedding wanted to take pictures of the birth. She came a few days after I was due, and stayed through the birth.
In the event (he was two weeks past-due date), it was very helpful to have grandma stay with us for about a week and help get us some time to catch our breath (and a nap). If Teddy has a sibling, we'll have her stay with us for a month. My friend had to leave immediately after the birth, and so got to spend very little time with the baby she had helped into the world (and held even before I did, after he was born by C-section).
We now tell people to accept any and all help they can rally when they have a fresh baby. When I realized I would have a C-section, I told my midwife I wanted a recommendation for a post-partum doula. She was a lifesaver for me and my husband, and she also provided a recommendation for child care. When people called and asked them what they could bring over, Roland gave them the grocery list over the phone. We've heard of people who had those with no knowledge or interest in babies but who nevertheless wanted to help assigned the project of cleaning the bathroom floor. We think that's brilliant.
For months after the birth, I said it took five people to take care of a fresh baby. Now, at nine months, I know why I said that. If we consider a seven hours of work a full day (eight hours less a half hour meal break and two fifteen minute breaks), a week contains 24 full shifts. Five shifts are considered a full time job. There are just shy of five full time jobs in the 24-7 world of a fresh baby. That's five full time jobs -- in addition to everything else that the people involved might be doing, like, say, working, maintaining a house, sleeping, etc.
Sleeping through the night is a delusional and dangerous goal, but being able to meaningfully share sleep with a baby is realistically attainable for adults who do not have sleep disorders and babies who are reasonably healthy and not pre-term, as of four or five months after birth. Once sleep-sharing is happening, the number of waking hours consumed by the baby becomes a somewhat useful metric for the work of caring for a baby. Judging by my experience, what I've read in books, and the stories of others, this probably is on the order of 16 hours a day. Even babies who sleep a lot do need to have an adult available. That's still three full time jobs and one part time job.
When you are trying to make a baby sized hole in your life, do not underestimate how big that hole has to be, and try to find other people to help you.
Copyright 2006 by Rebecca Allen.
Created May 27, 2006 Updated May 27, 2006