Just .
. . Don't
Things
that seemed like a good idea at the time
More is
better, but more brains is best.
There
was an evil man with an evil plan. He would build the ultimate
fighting vehicle. Bristling with weapons, this dreadnaught could
fire in any direction and at any angle. To build this death
machine on a budget of only $20,000 he would have to be creative.
He
built a pickup truck with a recoilless firing forward, and put
five passengers in the back with anti-vehicular rifles (this was
before we started charging $$ for the use of gunners). They met
his requirement: they could fire independently in the side and
rear arcs of fire. At first, his creation appeared to be a
legitimate threat.
At
the beginning of the 2nd second of combat, disaster struck in the
form of a mid-sized car with a ram plate. Since it came in head
on, the gunners were unable to bring their weapons to bear. The
recoilless was unable to stop the approaching vehicle, and the
pickup had neither the maneuverability to dodge, nor the side
armor to withstand a t-bone collision with a ram plate.
In
the blink of an eye it was over. The impact hurled all five
gunners to their deaths and destroyed the pickup's front armor,
recoilless rifle, and power plant. The ramming vehicle earned
$1,000 each for the slain passengers, $2,000 for incapacitating
the pickup, and later earned another $1,000 for shooting the
pickup's driver as he attempted to flee the arena on foot. Total:
$8,000 and an invaluable lesson.
Take the
money and run.
The
math was simple. Too much speed + too many maneuvers = overturned
vehicle. The driver, we'll call him M.T., exited the disabled
vehicle and began to run. The other drivers that night were in a
poor position to run him down, and he proved an elusive target for
their weapons. They kept missing and he kept running. As indicated
on the score sheet, M.T. earned $250 for every inch (15 scale
feet) traveled on foot. He had soon traveled many inches and had
managed to run or climb across some valuable obstacle markers.
Fearing that his luck would soon run out, he dashed into an
abandoned vehicle for safety. Suddenly he was no longer a small,
hard-to-hit, ducking, dodging target (-3 to be hit). He was now a
gigantic stationary target (+1 to be hit). The other drivers
released their frustration in an avalanche of slugs, missiles, and
rockets. When the smoke cleared, M.T. was no more and the stadium
had a brand new crater. Total: $0 and an invaluable lesson.
. . . and keep
running.
Front
wheels destroyed. Another fleeing driver turned pedestrian. These
were the days when grenade launchers were still legal in our
arenas, and it was hard to keep tires on a vehicle. This driver,
we'll call him J.Z., had gathered a few things before abandoning
his vehicle and running for the exit. He was nearly out when he
saw an opportunity. Another driver had lost two wheels,
was maintaining tenuous control of his vehicle, and would be
unable to fire for the remainder of the second.
J.Z.
had a grenade and an idea. If he pitched the grenade into the path
of the crippled vehicle the driver could avoid it by maneuvering
and go straight to the crash table or he could ride it out, take
the damage from the grenade, and go to the Crash Table anyway.
Either way, J.Z. would earn $5,000 if he caused the vehicle to
crash. He pitched the grenade in the last phase of the second.
The
next phase was the first of a new second. The grenade took a bad
bounce, landed far from the target vehicle, and failed to explode.
The driver of said vehicle took this opportunity to fire on J.Z.,
killing him at the stadium exit and earning $1,000. It was later
revealed that J.Z. had actually remained in the arena to throw a
fake plastic grenade. Total: one dead pedestrian and an invaluable
lesson learned.
Web posted by the Black Circle Gaming Society, March 1999 -
February 2000.
Reprinted by the Seattle
Washington Autoduel Team, February 2008.
Updated January 11, 2009; April 05, 2015; December 17, 2019.
Original URL:
http://www.mindspring.com/~aardvarkz/car/badidea.html