Randomness!

-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)

"No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles]."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)

"'What sort of person,' said Salzella patiently, 'sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man.'"

-- (Terry Pratchett, Maskerade) Or woman, of course...

"The singers all loathe the sight of one another, the chorus despises the singers, they both hate the orchestra, and everyone fears the conductor; the staff on one prompt side won't talk to the staff on the opposite prompt side, the dancers are all crazed from hunger in any case..."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Maskerade) Ah, opera...

"One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

"They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things."

--(Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites) The joys of science...

"'I meant,' said Iplsore bitterly, 'what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?' Death thought about it. 'CATS,' he said eventually, 'CATS ARE NICE.'"

--(Terry Pratchett, Sourcery) Yay! Another cat person!

"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

"It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing."

--(Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!) Good old Vimes...

"His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, 'You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.'"

--(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)