Dry Bones
('Ritten By Louis Nick III, Revision by Matt
McIrvin, Reviewsion by James "Kibo" Parry: "I liked it, but
it gave off mouse gas.")
(Music. Superimpose title on rotating, dish-like object with a spiral painted on it, mounted on top of an oscilloscope cabinet:
SCIENTIFICTION
PLAYHOUSE
A
GIX Television Production
The camera pans past a metal rabbit cage with white rabbit, and a contemporary 1955 television with no antenna. Enter COOLIDGE MERCER.)
Good evening. Welcome to Scientifiction Playhouse. No doubt you are wondering how these two very different objects are related. Perhaps there is no relation. In fact, these two things, this ordinary white rabbit, and this television are inseparable. Rabbits, like mice, bats, gerbils and most other rodents all receive radar. In fact, the word "rodent" comes from the ancient Greek word for radar. Radar is composed of polarized radio waves, best received by two antennas at different angles to each other. This is why this rabbit's long ears evolved into... (MERCER lifts extended antennae onto the television.) ..."rabbit ears" antennas.
(CUT to footage of mice on rotating dish.)
(VOICEOVER) Likewise, it was this natural mouse behavior...
(CUT to stock footage of SAC radar, rotating.)
(VOICEOVER) ...that led to modern Air Force radar.
(CUT to studio.)
This is an example of the evolution of a species to use technology. In tonight's story, scientists use technology to uncover a species long thought to be extinct, in this fictional, yet highly scientific story.
Title:
DRY BONES
(INSIDE MUSEUM, by the looks of it, Camera pans past two DINOSAUR SKELETONS, and continues to pan across room to door with a translucent window marked PALEONTOLOGY. CUT to windowless room, with blank CHALKBOARD, TABLE, and several CRATES on the floor. RAY, a young man in a labcoat who resembles Eddie Haskell, is busy unpacking a crate on the table, removing BONES and noting an invoice. DIRECTOR, an older man in suit and tie, enters though windowless door.)
(RAY looks up.)
Good morning, Director. I'm just unpacking the crates that arrived from the dig. (He continues.)
(distracted) What? Oh, good work. I got a teletype this morning that something unusual was arriving in... (looks at crates superficially) ...that crate you're unpacking.
Oh, yes sir, I'm just getting to it. (He removes several handsful of packing straw and removes a RIB.) Sir, this has to be a joke, this is a fresh bone. Cosmic rays haven't turned it into stone yet!
That's what I've been told. Put that down and go get Jacobs.
(RAY does so, and returns a moment later with JACOBS, a tall, middle-aged professor. JACOBS acknowledges the DIRECTOR and proceeds to examine the bone.)
Gentlemen, I'd like to call in one more person to study this strange event.
Who did you have in mind?
Doctor Elizabeth Winslow.
I don't know, a lady scientist... well maybe not anyone else, but Winslow is the best in her field.
I'm glad you approve, because I sent a teletype to her this morning. She'll be here in 3 hours. (The men laugh.) Let's get started on this.
(RAY continues unpacking. JACOBS lifts the bone and looks contemplative.)
The flux of cosmic rays should have hardened this bone into stone millions of years ago. I'll take a sample, but I'd say this bone is no more than 200 years old.
(SFX: Door opens.)
But Dr. Jacobs, Indians and primitive man have been at the dig site farther back than that!
(OFF CAMERA) That's right, my boy, but I've heard Indians tell legends about Lord God sending the white destroyers, and it was than that the giant beasts they tell of vanish. I guess Manifest Destiny was more successful than we thought!
(The men laugh. ELLIS enters view. He is in 3 piece suit, pith helmet, and monocle. He approaches RAY and shakes his hand.)
I don't think we've met. I'm Dr. Ben Ellis, an anthropologist working in the same area as your dig site.
(RAY is awestruck by this symbol of science.)
Well, gentlemen, I thought I might be of assistant, and I also heard that Dr. Winslow was on her way. But until she arrives, we have work to do!
(Commercial. Where Yesterday meets Tomorrow, it's RETRO TV, on the SCI-FI Channel. Welcome... to the Edge.)
Title:
DRY BONES
(VOICEOVER) We now bring you to the laboratory where our scientists are hard at work to unravel the mystery of the bone that isn't stone.
(Laboratory. Chalkboard is covered with variations on the quadratic formula, and Fermat's Last Proof. On the table is a FRAGMENT of stone under a HEAT LAMP. Next to that are two covered PANS on a SEE-SAW, as in a balance. One PAN has several brass weights, the other is empty. BALANCE is level.)
(Enter a middle-aged blond woman, WINSLOW, in a lab coat. WINSLOW removes a bone fragment from under a HEAT LAMP to BALANCE, and makes notes on results. Enter DIRECTOR, RAY, and JACOBS)
Oh, I'm glad you boys are here. I've exposed the fresh bone to this cosmic radiation lamp for nearly two hours to mimic 70 million years of cosmic rays. As you can see, the sample is now entirely made of stone, and weighs six times as much.
(JACOBS glances at notebook and walks to chalkboard, mumbling to himself, and begins writing.)
So.. if the cosmic flux is constant... no flares..
(RAY and DIRECTOR get chalk and crowd the chalkboard. Soon they can't agree on everything.)
What kind of factor is that?
You can't ignore certain chemical effects of preservation!
(WINSLOW puts her hands on her hips in amusement. She approaches the board, gently pushing RAY and JACOBS aside. She erases a "t" and replaces it with a "+". She changes a division to a square root.)
See what happens when you don't keep your chalkboard clean and clear?
(ELLIS enters quietly.)
(disbelief) Not possible!
But it is true.
She blinded you with science!
(WINSLOW turns, sees ELLIS)
Benny!
(ELLIS is embarrassed at the pet name, but sweeps across the lab to kiss WINSLOW. DIRECTOR coughs, looking away. JACOBS is still looking at the board, amazed. RAY is bright red and staring.)
(DIRECTOR clears his throat after a moment too long for "just friends." WINSLOW and ELLIS disengage.)
You were saying, Dr. Winslow?
Of course, Director. (She pulls down a map, indicates area in Pacific North West.) This is Blakely Island, owned by the Indians for hundreds of years now. It's never been explored by local tribes because they're taboo. It is where we'll find the owners of these bones.
WOW! Real dinosaurs!
(equally excited) We must get permission to go there immediately, in the name of science!
(Commercial. Watch "Manimal" on the SCI-FI Channel's Series Collection.)
Title:
DRY BONES
(VOICEOVER) Having obtained permission to use the land, the scientists travel to Blakely Island, in the Northwest Tropical Zone.
(The scientists, still in suits or labcoats, are stopped in the tropical forest by their GUIDE, apparently an Indian.)
I go no farther, it is taboo for me to enter.
Don't worry, chap, we go onward for science!
That's well, Doctor. My people have long protected this land from the white man because he has been greedy and destructive. But my tribe sees that your science is pure and unbiased, so we allow you to enter the land. Your wisdom in science will soon benefit us all. But I can not join you. (A look of fear appears quickly on his face, and then the GUIDE looks at his feet.) I am not as noble as a scientist.
(GUIDE leaves.)
Well, gentlemen ...and Dr. Winslow, it's time to get our hands dirty. The guide told us we have a mile to go from this point, and there's only one way in!
(All walk through about 30 feet of fake jungle, arriving at a gravel clearing and road with a surplus Army Jeep parked and idling.)
Climb in!
(Everyone piles in to the Jeep. WINSLOW driving, DIRECTOR in front passenger seat. JACOBS in back seat, center. RAY and ELLIS sit on back of jeep, feet on back seat.)
I've never been driven straight by a woman before.
Don't tell me. They've only driven you wild, right?
(They laugh. JACOBS is nervous. WINSLOW smiles and slowly shakes her head. DIRECTOR is carsick. They drive for several seconds more. WINSLOW stops as a loud roar is heard.)
Did you hear that?
I heard it, but I don't believe it.
Look! One o'clock!
(RAY points to left of center. DIRECTOR looks at his watch, the others look in the direction of RAY's pointing. More roaring OFF CAMERA)
(astounded) It's a living piece of history! What do we call it?
We'll call it what the Indians called it. Anachrosaurus: the Beast Out Of Time.
(Music swells, with the title THE END.)
(COOLIDGE MERCER's desk, where he sits in a high-backed chair, reading Scientific American. He puts down the magazine.)
A bone not made of stone. It is a small clue like this that engages science into action. Science will not rest until the last question is answered. The last answer in our fictional story was living, breathing, warm-blooded dinosaurs. Could that really happen?
(MERCER moves to easel with artists portrait of Sputnik, with American Insignia painted over red star, still slightly visible.)
Scientists are using advanced satellites such as this one for the peaceful exploration of our planet and solar system to see that there is no unexplored territory. By measuring such things as cosmic rays and meteor impacts, this satellite and others like it will one day be able to map the world, perhaps even control the weather.
(MERCER lifts satellite picture to show world map, polar projection. There is a blocky black NO DATA area in the center.)
We'll even be able to explore the center of our hollow Earth, where scientists believe that dinosaurs may still live to this day, because of the low cosmic radiation.
And one day-- who knows... maybe the food on your table will arrive via satellite.
(CUT to MERCER sitting behind his desk reading the same issue of Scientific American he leafs through every week.)
Join us next week for another exciting yet highbrow adventure in the world of fiction... and science.
(Music. Closing credits.)