Dittoheads are morons - Limbaugh says so
Medved's not snooty when the subject is booty
Maybe Limbaugh should look up infinitesimal
in that dictionary
Hauling a Trident submarine over the Himalayas might be a chore, though
AUGUST 7: Republican talk radio host Kirby
Wilbur is annoyed at people who are ringing Tibetan bells to protest the
arrival at Seattle's waterfront of a visiting Trident nuclear ballistic
missile submarine. He tells us "if Tibet had Tridents, maybe
they'd be free today."
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Freedent gum.
No turning the clock back
AUGUST 10: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Daniel
Lapin tells us that he's a firm believer in property rights, so firm, in
fact, that he believes landlords should be able to rent or not rent to
anyone they want for any reason and to kick people out for any reason they
want. Lapin must be nostalgic for the apartheid South Africa that
he grew up in. Unfortunately for Lapin, he emigrated to the US after
hard-won civil rights laws were passed to outlaw such discrimination by
Lapin's show is sponsored by "Best Quote" term life insurance.
Facts are stupid things
AUGUST 11: Republican talk radio host Kirby
Wilbur informs us of the "fact" that unmarried couples living together
have a higher incidence of child abuse than married couples. He attempts
to illustrate this "fact" by reading a story about a stepfather who chained
and abused his stepson. Wilbur gets all the way through the story
before realizing that it's about a child being abused by married parents
and thus completely at odds with the "fact" he was trying to illustrate.
Wilbur's show is sponsored by Divorce Lawyers for men: 1-800-DIVORCE.
Lapin vs Greenpeace
AUGUST 11: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Daniel
Lapin proudly regales us with the tale of how he and his family, on a sailing
vacation in the Canadian San Juan islands, dissed a Greenpeace boat.
Greenpeace people, Lapin reminds us, "are watermelons - green on the outside
and red on the inside and very seedy". In the encounter, Lapin's
vessel pulled alongside the Greenpeacer's "vomit green" boat and Lapin,
his wife, and their seven children all gave a thumbs-down sign to the Greenpeace
Lapin's show is sponsored by Ortega Mexican food.
Medved's not snooty when the subject is booty
AUGUST 13: Michael Medved, moralistic
movie reviewer and author of "Hollywood vs. America", finally finds
a pimp 'n ho movie he approves of.
Medved's film reviews appear in that prestigious publication, the NY Post.
Dittoheads are morons - Limbaugh says
AUGUST 18: Limbaugh is dismayed that many of
his listeners couldn't tell he was kidding when, on a previous show, he
read a fictional fax from United Parcel Service executives threatening
to move all the route delivery jobs (i.e. driving the big brown UPS trucks)
from the US to Guatemala unless the current strike was settled on their
terms. In order to figure out that Limbaugh was kidding, you had
to have the minute amount of intelligence necessary to know that Guatemala
is a country in Central America and that it would be impossible to
deliver parcels by driving from Guatemala to the United States everyday.
What does Limbaugh think of his many loyal dittohead listeners who lacked
this elementary ability to reason? He (correctly) calls them "morons".
One might think that insulting the intelligence of your most dedicated
fans would antagonize them, but they're probably too dumb to realize that
Limbaugh's talking about them.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by "Clean Shower" shower cleaner.
Ugly is as ugly does
AUGUST 19: Limbaugh informs us that the members
of the "National Association of Gals" (NAG - his name for NOW - the National
Association of Women) have joined the picket line of workers against the
United Parcel Service (UPS). Limbaugh's statesman-like comment on
this? "It's sure to get ugly out there"
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by the Fox News Channel.
The President's been shot! Quick, call an astrologer!
AUGUST 21: "Independent", i.e. not Republican,
talk radio host Mike Reagan tells us that Nancy Reagan was "trapped" and
"sucked into" employing an astrologer because she felt guilty about not
being at Ron Reagan's side when he was shot in an assassination attempt.
It's not clear why Mike's making excuses for Ron and Nancy's use of astrologers,
since they themselves weren't embarrassed about it. In 1980, Ron
even told a Washington Post interviewer that he consulted Hollywood celebrity astrologer Carroll Righter's
horoscope column every day.
Reagan's show is sponsored by Cool Mint Listerine tooth paste.
Maybe he should look up infinitesimal in
AUGUST 28: Limbaugh is gloating about getting
the word "feminazi" into Webster's Collegiate dictionary, saying that it
shows how his influence "continues to grow to an infinitesimal degree".
For once, we agree with him.
Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Future Shop.
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